I LOVE…

I used to love flowers, I used to love the sun, I used to love sweets, I used to love music, I used to love dancing , I used to love the world around me, I used to love food, I used to love books, I used to love the holidays, I used to love colors … I USED TO LOVE
I love the barren earth that hugs me when I feel helpless and fall to my knees, I love how Mother Nature matches my soul and it rains … it rains a lot, I love the silence … the silence that hurts and is a constant reminder of the fact that there is not baby crying in our house, I love the hunger … the hunger that torments my body and punishes it for not being able to protect you… I love black.
I hate all the things I used to love before you came into my life, our tiny ballerina, and I love my pain because I feel like it brings me closer to you. My mind knows this is not normal, but my soul holds on to this pain in the fear that you will disappear when the pain starts to fade away.
In all this pain, or better yet in spite  of it I LOVE … I love every corner of your tiny soul, I love every finger of your tiny hands, I love your nose that looked so much like mine, I love every wrinkle of your skin, I love every hair that covered your body, I love every ballet recital you had in my tummy, I love every memory we have together and through it all I’m learning to love myself again because I know that I was and still am the mother I always dreamed I would be… full of love for my baby girl, the princess that made my life so happy … I LOVE YOU and that’s the most important thing.
I miss you Francesca!!!!! :*
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Iubeam florile, iubeam soarele, iubeam dulciurile, iubeam muzica, iubeam dansul, iubeam lumea, iubeam mancarea, iubeam cartile, iubeam sarbatorile, iubeam culorile …IUBEAM.

Iubesc pamantul sterp care ma imbratiseaza atunci cand puterile ma lasa si durerea imi taie picioarele, iubesc natura care se asorteaza cu sufletul meu si ploua… ploua mult, iubesc linistea … linistea care doare si imi aduce aminte mereu de faptul ca in casa noastra nu se aude planset de copil, iubesc foamea… foamea care imi chinuie corpul si il pedepseste pentru faptul ca nu a putut sa te apere… iubesc negrul.

Urasc toate lucrurile pe care le iubeam inaintea ta, micuta mea balerina, si imi iubesc durerea pentru ca ma apropie de tine. Mintea imi spune ca ceea ce simt nu e normal, dar sufletul tine cu inversunare de aceasta durere fiindu-i frica sa nu dispari o data cu decolorarea ei.

In toata aceasta durere sau mai bine zis in ciuda ei IUBESC … iubesc fiecare coltisor al sufletului tau, iubesc fiecare degetel al manutelor tale, iubesc nasul tau care semana atat de mult cu al meu, iubesc fiecare rid al pielii tale, iubesc fiecare fir de par ce ti-a acoperit pielea, iubesc fiecare recital de balet pe care mi l-ai oferit in burtica, iubesc fiecare amintire pe care o avem impreuna si prin toate astea invat sa ma iubesc din nou pe mine pentru ca stiu ca am fost si sunt mamica care am visat mereu sa fiu … plina de iubire pentru fetita mea, printesa care mi-a facut viata atat de fericita … TE IUBESC si asta e cel mai important lucru.

Mi-e dor de tine Francesca!!!!  :*

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