Words…

Words are an incredible thing. They can say so much or so little. They can ruin friendships but they can also mend broken hearts. Words are precious, for even when they are not enough they are the only thing we have that comes close to expressing the way we feel. There are times, hell most of the times, when words are not enough, they cannot fully express how deeply you love one person or how you feel that your heart and soul are broken in millions of tiny pieces that you think you will never find again.

Sometimes words need to be heard and there are times when they only need to be spoken.

Before our beautiful baby girl was born sleeping I was never much of a writer and I am less of a writer now, but words can save us and I am desperately trying to save what is left of me. There are words that we chose not to speak in our lives and we might regret and then there are words that we never got the chance to speak out loud … and this is what brings me here.

There are so many things I wish I would have been given the chance to tell my daughter… so much love I now send up in the sky hoping desperately that at least some of it reaches her and does not get lost on the way.

Words can create a short story or they can create a novel, but even the fewest words can express an entire life of feelings. Ernest Hemingway once set his mind on writing a six words short story that could make people cry … and he did.

His six words are so powerful that they bring tears to my eyes every time I read them:
“For sale:
Baby shoes. Never worn.”

These words speak of pain as we have never felt before. These words tell the tale of the words that we never got to say, or hear.

This story is our story. It could be turned into a novel but there is no need. These six words speak volumes. Every letter of every word in these six words is an acknowledgment of the pain a parent feels when saying good-bye to their child  and every letter in itself is more powerful  than pages and pages of happily ever afters.
Though there was not financial struggle for us and we had no need to sell Francesca’s shoes or baby clothes saying good-bye to them as we donated them to some fortunate newborn baby girls was just as hard.

I don’t even remember how many times I folded and unfolded every onesie, every sock, every tiny dress that I had knitted for her and every funny hat that she was supposed to wear while we took pictures. It must have been quite a few times since it took me a few hours to pack up and bag them all. I still remember how each and every one of them smelled even though not even one of them ever touched her skin … I remember every one of them just as I remember the first words I said to my beautiful daughter the night she was born sleeping… they were “OH Baby Girl” … and this is all we are left with…
“Baby shoes. Never worn”
And LOVE … lots of LOVE in our hearts!!!!

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Cuvintele sunt un lucru incredibil. Ele pot sa spuna atat de mult sau atat de putin. Ele pot sa distruga prietenii sau sa aline inimi suferinde. Cuvintele sunt pretioase pentru ca si atunci cand ele nu sunt de ajuns ele sunt singurele care ne ajuta sa exprimam ceea ce simtim. Sunt momente, majoritatea momentelor, in care cuvintele nu sunt de ajuns, in care ele nu pot exprima cat de mult iubesti o persoana sau cum simti ca sufletul tau s-a spart in milioane de bucatele pe care nu le vei mai gasi niciodata.

Uneori cuvintele trebuie sa fie auzit, iar uneori ajunge si doar sa fie spuse.

Nu am fost o mare scriitoare inainte ca frumoasa noastra fiica sa se nasca dormind, si cu siguranta nu sunt nici acum, dar cuvintele ne pot salva, iar eu incerc cu disperare sa salvez ce a mai ramas din mine. Exista cuvinte pe care alegem sa nu le graim in viata si uneori regretam lucrul acesta si sunt cuvinte pe care nu avem sansa sa le spunem …

Sunt foarte multe lucruri pe care as fi dorit sa i le pot spune ficei mele… atat de multa iubire pe care acum o trimit spre cer sperand in disperarea mea ca macar o parte va ajunge la ea si nu se va pierde pe drum.

Cuvintele pot sa formeze o povestioara sau un roman, dar si cele mai putine cuvinte pot sa exprime o viata intreaga de sentimente. Ernest Hemingway si-a propus odata sa scrie o povestioara din sase cuvinte care sa faca lumea sa planga … si a reusit.
Cele sase cuvinte ale lui sunt atat de puternice incat imi sudeaza ochii cu lacrimi de fiecare data cand le citesc:
“For sale:
Baby shoes. Never worn.”
“De vanzare:
Pantofi pentru nou-nascut. Nepurtati”

Aceste cuvinte vorbesc depre o durere pe care nu am cunoscut-o pana acum. Aceste cuvinte spun povestea tuturor cuvintelor pe care nu am avut sansa sa le spunem sau sa le auzim.

Aceasta poveste este povestea noastra. Ar putea fi transformata intr-un roman, dar nu e nevoie. Aceste sase cuvinte spun mai mult decat orice roman. Fiecare litera a fiecaruia dintre aceste sase cuvinte este o recunoastere a suferintei pe care o simte un parinte atunci cand  isi ia ramas bun de la copilul sau. Fiecare litera in sinea ei este mai puternica decat mii de pagini pline cu povesti cu final fericit.

Desi pentru noi situatia finaciara nu a constituit o problema si nu a fost nevoie sa vindem pantofii Francescai sau hainutele ei, donarea acestora pentru ca ele sa fie folosite de alte fetite mai norocoase a fost la fel de grea.

Nici nu imi aduc aminte de cate ori am impaturat si despaturat fiecare salopetica, fiecare soseta, fiecare rochita pe care o crosetasem pentru ea si fiecare caciulita haioasa pe care ar fi urmat sa o poarte in timp ce noi o fotografiam. Cred totusi ca le-am impachetat de cateva ori intrucat mi-a luat cateva ore sa le pun pe toate in plase. Inca imi aduc aminte cum mirosea fiecare dintre ele, desi nici una nu a atins pielea ei … imi aduc aminte de fiecare dintre ele asa cum imi aduc aminte si de primele cuvinte pe care i le-am spus frumoasei noastre fetite in noapte in care s-a nascut dormind … i-am spus “Oh Baby Girl” … si asta e tot ce ne-a ramas …Pantofi pentru nou-nascut. Nepurtati
Si DRAGOSTE… multa multa DRAGOSTE in suflete!!!!

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