Dear Grief…

Dear Grief,

Though I wish I didn’t know you, we have become close friends and I’m terribly sorry for that. But since we are here already, there is nothing else for me to do than to ask you in, invite you at our table and offer you a coffee, maybe even a piece of cake… Welcome to the dark side… we have cookies.

It’s been such a hard road, with you by my side and most days I wish I could just figure out how others made it out alive because sometimes I don’t know if I can.

Your presence is like the hug of the true friends than never came, it holds on really tight. Most of the times it still feels like some sort of quicksand that might suffocate me…  I guess the best thing I can do is stop fighting it.

I have no idea why this happened but I know that I am heartbroken because of it, hopeful in spite of it, and that even though my heart is missing some really important parts it is still filled with love.  I know that there is some sort of a special reason for which I am here, and you are here and she is not … and I chose to believe that even though her life here with us was so short it had purpose.

I am at a point in my life where I have learned to accept you and this has made things easier maybe just a bit.

I wish I could tell you to get the eeefffff out of my life but I guess you wouldn’t listen… why would you? Neither you nor I are to blame for what has happened.  I don’t even think that the higher power, God or whatever you want to call Him/Her/It is to blame for what we are going through.

I know you’re here and I can’t pretend that you’re not and that’s ok. You may come and go as you please, there’s not much I can do about it anyways. I just hope that one day you will be replaced or transformed into something that I can accept more easily… but until then what would you like for dinner? I think I’m having pizza tonight.

 

Sincerely yours,

Francesca’s Mom

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