Capture your Grief – Day 22. Pearls of Wisdom

I remember, in the very first weeks after, I read as many blogs and Facebook post about grief as my heart could take. I guess I was searching for something… don’t ask me what because I will not be able to tell you but my guess is I was looking for something to save me from the hell I was going through.
I did not find what I was looking for BUT I remember reading one thing that forever stuck in my mind, something that made me laugh, cry and nod my head in agreement for a long long time.
It said “Grief comes in three stages: the beginning, the middle, the rest of your life.”
I read it right around the time I was starting to wonder if the pain will ever go away… and there it was… the answer to my question… the acknowledgment of my deepest fear and the acceptance of the fact that what I was feeling was OK.
Things are a lot less foggy right now and it has become clear to me that grief will be my companion through the rest of my life but I have also come to understand that it only exists as a proof of the deepest love I have for Francesca. And since I plan to love her for as many days as I have on this Earth … bring it on Grief!

Capture your Grief – Day 4. Support Circles

There are many things that I have learned on this grief journey and one of them is the meaning of support.
Support is the husband that holds you in his arms and rubs your back while you cry your eyes out even when others think you should have “gotten over it by now”.
Support is the teddy you carried out of the hospital when you were unable to take your baby home like everyone else.
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What We HAVE TO DO…

You have to get over it. You have to be strong. You have to leave the past behind. You have to look forward. You have to forget. You have to pull yourself together. You have to go on with your life. You have to get up. You have to go see Doctor X. You have to bathe yourself in Y hot springs. You have to pray to God for strength. You have to accept. You have to smile. You have to stop thinking about it … YOU ALL HAVE TO SHUT UP!!!!

I don’t have to get over it … I need to go through it… through the unbearable pain because it is the only way I can get out of this shitstorm the proud owner of a sane mind … though I may never find all the pieces of my broken heart.
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