More than a week after my birthday, I finally got myself to write these words. I don’t know why it took me so long, but it just seems like these “special” days are just too unbearable to think of.
For years and years my husband and I have celebrated my birth week, I would get presents everyday and my existence would be celebrated for seven days each year … it used to be sweet and lovable but this year I couldn’t even do it for one day…
The first and only thing I could wish upon when I woke up in the morning was for the pain to go away. But it cannot because this pain is the sign of unimaginable love, a love that fills my heart and makes my soul shine bright in the darkness of my life, a love that not even death can take away. Continue reading “Thanks Mom…”
My memory never served me well, I don’t remember my everyday schedule, I don’t remember birthdays, I don’t remember doctor’s appointments, I don’t even remember our anniversary, but my phone, my most loyal servant is always there for me with useful reminders and mementos that I desperately need.
Today my phone’s screen did not light up, it did not have to, I knew even before my mind woke up to reality that it had been a month since I brought you into this world. In this sea of things that I do not remember, I remember perfectly the night that I gave birth to you, I remember every moment we spent together eating, laughing, knitting, loving, I remember every kick my rib cage was blessed with while you were practicing your graceful ballerina moves, I remember the three kicks you gifted your father with the night before our future was torn to pieces and spread across the skies so that we can never find it again, I remember the chocolate, raspberry and sour cherry cake I had planned to make for your one month anniversary … I remember EVERYTHING. Continue reading “Happy Birthday Baby Girl!”