Life Is Precious And Equally Vulnerable

Six weeks ago a one pound ten ounces baby girl came into this world, and every day since that day I’ve been finding out just how little I had figured out about everything. That is life though, isn’t it? The privilege to dream up dreams and formulate plans is what makes life so precious and equally vulnerable. I feel as though I learn a little bit about myself and life in general every day, most of the times the things I’ve learned lately bring tears to my eyes but some of them are tears of joy. These are tears that have uncovered the most heartbreaking pain of all but also tears that stand as a testimony of great great love.

What I have learned in this process is that we all have some dreadful monster under the bed, something that keeps us up at night, a turning point of before and after… the death of our beautiful daughter is our before and after point. Before we did not know or didn’t want to acknowledge that our plans and life itself could go south so fast but after a heart wrenching loss you find yourself filled with sorrow, grief, an ounce of madness but also love, loads of love. It is this love that opens our eyes and helps us see that we are blessed to be here even in this state of complete brokenness because we are privileged to have survived all of this and live to tell that tale… Francesca’s tale.. our tale.


Acum sase saptamani o fetita de 750 de grame a venit pe lumea si in fiecare zi de atunci imi dau seama cat de putine lucruri stiam inainte. Pana la urma asta e viata, nu? Privilegiul de a-ti face vise si planuri, de a avea speranta este ceea ce face viata atat de pretioasa si in acelasi timp atat de vulnerabila. Simt ca invat ceva despre mine si despre viata in fiecare zi, majoritatea lucrurilor pe care le-am invatat in ultima vreme imi sudeaza ochii cu lacrimi, dar unele lacrimi sunt lacrimi de fericire. Aceasta sunt lacrimi care scot la suprafata cea mai sfasietoare durere, dar si lacrimi care stau ca dovada a unei iubiri inimaginabile.

Ce am invatat in tot acest process este ca fiecare dintre noi are un monstru ingrozitor ascuns in dulap sau sub pat, ceva care nu ne lasa sa dormim noapte, un punct care imparte viata noastra in “inainte si dupa” … moartea minunatei noastre fiice este pentru noi acel punct in care viata s-a impartit in “inainte si dupa”. Inainte nu stiam sau nu vroiam sa recunoastem faptul ca planurile noastre pot lua atat de rapid o turnura nefericita. Dupa o pierdere care ne-a rupt sufletul in mii si mii de bucatele ne-am trezit plini de tristete, suferinta si un gram de nebunie, dar si cu inimile pline de iubire, multa iubire. Aceasta dragoste este ceea ce ne deschide ochii si ne ajuta sa vedem ca suntem norocosi sa fim aici, chiar si in acest stadiu si ca suntem privilegiati prin faptul ca am supravietuit acestor incercari pentru a le putea spune povestea… povestea Francescai … povestea noastra.

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